


Family Dinner (July 2025)

by aforgetfulgirl, hangonsilvergirl



Series: The Order of Weed [16]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied Relationships, Multi, Swearing, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 09:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1977114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aforgetfulgirl/pseuds/aforgetfulgirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangonsilvergirl/pseuds/hangonsilvergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where there are two daughters, two big brothers, and the sort of family dinner you'd never see on The Brady Bunch.</p><p>A continuation of Stories from East Portlemouth Prep/Badly Made Bridges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Dinner (July 2025)

"Oh my God, that hurt _so much_ ," Madeline giggled and fanned at her flat, now-pierced stomach as she and her best friend walked out of the piercing parlour and onto the street. "Liz, seriously. Hurt, hurt, hurt! You know?"

She and Lizzy had gone to the mall after school, and then remembered stories they'd both heard from their parents about Sirius getting his nipple done at Holy Ones, and so they'd hopped on the bus to go there. They'd both clung to each other's hands as they'd both had needles shoved through their belly buttons.

"We should totally get our tongues done next," Maddy added in a high pitched squeal, squeezing Lizzie's arm excitedly. 

Elizabeth groaned. "Oh God," she said, flinching as she took careful steps to avoid stretching the skin more than necessary. "Why did we do this again? Like, I know Dad's story was inspiring and all, but couldn't we have picked a better place? Instead of one that seems to be connected to every movement I make?" 

"Mine is still kind of numb. Well, and burning. It actually doesn't really hurt yet," Maddy said, still practically vibrating with adrenaline. "I'm sure it will, start to hurt more, though. I can feel that it will. And ew, it's kind of bleeding. I think it'll be fine as long as I don't touch it."

"We're going to be eaten," Lizzy said, frowning. "Picked the right day to do it, didn't we? Family dinner night? Oli's going to see it etched across my face and you know he'll start to prod me or something and I'll squeal because it'll hurt something ridiculous as he _always_ goes for the bellybutton! And then we'll both be doomed." 

"It'll be fine. Just play it cool," Maddy said. "You worry too much, Liz. Seriously." 

"I worry more because you don't bother at all," Lizzy said with a scowl. "Uncle James is going to throw a shit fit. You know he is." 

"Oh, Daddy will be _fine_ ," Maddy said. "God, loosen up! If Harry can loosen up enough to fuck around with Draco without locking the door, you can relax enough not to make yourself go grey over a belly button ring. Seriously. I walked in on them. It was so... weird!" 

Lizzy screwed up her face. "That's a mental image I _really_ didn't need, Mads. And that's not Harry loosening up, that's Harry knocking on stupid. Honestly. Imagine if Auntie Lily had walked in on them. That would've been _horrible_! And Oli and I have heard Dad and Dad going at it, but that's better than actually _seeing_ them do it. Ew."

"At least Draco's hot. I've seen some of his _high fashion photos_ where they put him in makeup and androgynous clothes, and he's hotter than the famed Chele Bones. Seriously. It's so not fair," Maddy rambled as they continued to make their way home. "But he's hot as a boy, too. Not necessarily as he's throwing shit at me to get me to stop gawking in frozen _horror_. But, um, he's kind of like, really hung. Too bad he's not straight." 

"That just might be one of the grossest things you've ever said to me," Lizzy said, giving Maddy an incredulous sort of look. "That's more about Draco Malfoy's weiner than I ever wanted to know. And anyhow, _Dad_ is _the_ Sirius Black, and everyone thinks he's hot enough. And there's nothing wrong with Dad either. He's got character and a lovely nose." 

"Your comparing your _dad_ to an eighteen year old blond and flawless model?" Maddy laughed. "I'll have to tell him. He'll be chuffed. You freak."

"They're where Draco'll be in a few decades. Even Narcissa has wrinkles, much as she'd like to convince you she doesn't," Lizzy said. "And I think I might tell Harry you fancy his boyfriend. Not that you stand a snowball's chance in H-E-L-L, of course, but I would _love_ to see his reaction." 

"Okay, for one, Harry wouldn't care. He knows Draco's had it for him since he learned how to have it, and the cocky little brat doesn't even know what the term relationship insecurity means. And for two, I don't _fancy_ Draco. I just think he's nice to look at. And well hung. He'd make a killing in porn," Maddy said, waggling her eyebrows at Lizzy. "And come on, you square. You can say hell. Come on, Liz. Hell! Use your big girl words." 

"The day I see Draco Malfoy in a porno is the day I throw myself off the Parliament Building," Liz said, frowning. "Your fascination with his penis is astounding. Actually, in retrospect, he's probably vain enough to con Harry into make a porno with him just so he can see himself in action." She shuddered. "Ugh, the idea. Anyway. You know I don't like to swear if I can help it. Dad says that swearing is an excuse not to use better words. He's even got Dad replacing 'shit' with 'sugar'." 

"That's so bloody girly. Sugar," Maddy laughed. "Holy sugar! That's such bull sugar. What the sugar! I haven't heard him say it yet. That's fucking hilarious. My dad would laugh his balls off." 

"Dad and Uncle James are bad influences on one another. Dad and Auntie Lily were so mortified when they accidentally set fire to our Christmas tree last year, you remember? And to be honest with you I'm not sure who was laughing more loudly, my dad, your dad, or Oliver." 

"I wish I could've seen it first hand," Maddy said wistfully. "Hey, do you think maybe Oli will notice me now that I have my belly button pierced?" 

"Mads!" Liz exclaimed in exasperation. This was an old, worn topic. "Oli has _nine years_ on you! It's not going to happen!" 

Maddy made a dramatic face and clutched at her chest. "But it's meant to _be_ , Liz. You know it is. My best friend's older brother. It's totally written in the stars. If Harry wasn't gay--or as good as since he's obviously accepted there's no point ever splitting with Draco because the blond git would assassinate anyone else who tried for Harry--you could have him, and we'd be one big happy family. But as it is, I'll just marry Oli and we can be sisters that way." 

"You choose your own family, Maddy," Lizzy replied, looking at Maddy with a serious expression on her face. "Dad left his family and married Dad, and they chose to adopt me and Oliver, and think we can choose to be one another's sisters without the addition of you marrying Oli, which is as likely to happen as Chele Bones shutting her legs to anything with an erection." 

"But Oli is so _hot_ , Liz," Maddy moaned. "And I want him. I think he should be my first, you know? Because he's older and more experienced. And don't look at me like that! I don't mean now. I mean in a couple years. I'm not slutty like Manny." 

"I think you should stop talking, actually," Lizzy said, pulling a face. "That's my brother. I don't want to hear anything, not even a whisper, regarding his sex life. Or your involvement in it, for that matter." 

"Oh, shut up. You know he's slept with half the country. Slutty footie boy," Mady said in a pleased sort of way. "He's so wonderful." 

"He's lucky he isn't swarming with sexually transmitted diseases," Lizzy scowled. "Slutty footie boy, indeed. You should save yourself the heartache of potential syphillis and stop mooning now while you still can. Shit, come on, we're going to be late." 

"Oh, I can't run. Hurt, hurt, hurt!" Maddy said as they hurried up the street. They were close to home, though, and shortly after they were laughing as they burst through the front door of Maddy's house. "Did we make it? Are we on time?"

"Nope," Oliver replied, obviously speaking around a full mouth. "We started without you. Butt to the table."

"You started without her, not us. You pig," James said. "Come on, girls, we just sat down." 

"Dinner!" Lizzy said happily, kissing her dads as she passed them to take an empty seat (trying not to wince as she sat down). "What're we talking about?" she asked, reaching for the mashed potatoes.

"Oliver's complete and utter lack of manners, mostly," Harry supplied, pouring gravy over his meal, grinning at Oli from where he sat beside him. "And that his team's picking me up, of course."

"Your father always said you'd play footie for England," Sirius said thoughtfully. "Your mother had high hopes you'd be a groupie of sorts. Shame you picked the former, Harry, you would've done a number on the Hansons with with your dashing good looks and total disrespect for boundaries."

"You're a horrible man, Sirius Black," Lily commented, amused. 

"You don't know the half of it. Pass the potatoes please," Remus said smoothly. "And hello, girls. Enjoying your Sunday?"

"It's a weekend. Kids are like, biologically programmed to enjoy weekends," Maddy replied.

"Mouth! Be nice to Uncle Remus," James scolded as he handed the potatoes over to Remus. "You're such a brat."

"Who d'you think I got it from, _Daddy_?" Maddy replied, and took a big bite of salad. 

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "We just went window shopping downtown. Boring, really. Little to no excitement to be had."

"You say that as if there was and it's excitement you'd rather not share with your lovely, prying, occasionally irritating family," Harry suggested.

"See? Boundries! This kid knows them not," Sirius exclaimed, flinging a bit of chicken behind him and onto the wall. "Whoops." 

Maddy made a face at her brother for his comment, and debated kicking him under the table, but figured that would be too much like an admission of guilt.

"And you say _I_ have no table manners," Oli commented with a snort. "Watch where you're waving your fork, old man."

"Old? Be careful, Oliver," Remus said with a smile. "We're all the same age. You don't want to be calling your Aunt Lily old now, do you?"

"Tosh, she's not a day over twenty five," Oliver replied and winked at her jokingly. 

"Too right I'm not," Lily said with a grin in James' direction. 

Harry made a face. "Ew, Mum, don't do that," he said.

"Do what?" Lily asked, confused.

"You're making a come hither face in Dad's direction. I'm a lost cause, as you've both traumitized me several times already, but think of Maddy," Harry continued, putting on a bit of a puppy dog face. "For the sake of her virtue."

Elizabeth snorted, and Lily rolled her eyes. 

"Don't snort, cow!" Maddy said loudly. "I have virtue. I'm very virtuous. I'm the epitome of virtuosness."

"I'm glad to hear it," James said. "And Harry, shut it, kid. Your mother and I are fantastic parents."

"Who, at the very least, don't do it as loudly as the Uncles," Maddy quipped and when Oliver choked on his water laughing, she beamed in a pleased sort of way at him. 

"It never fails, never," Lily sighed. "Our offspring are as preoccupied by it and talk about it the same way we did, when we were young."

"You're as old as you feel," Sirius suggested through a mouthful of mashed potato. "I certainly feel spry enough! And I think I'm still cool. Am I cool?"

"Of course you are, Dad," Lizzy said proudly. "You're the coolest middle-aged person I know." 

James, however, did not find Lily's observation amusing in the slightest. "But the girls are only thirteen. That's too young. Right? Way too young. Girls, I'm too young to retire and follow you around with a baseball bat and a menacing stare. Give me just a few more years, and then your mother can be the sole breadwinner of the family."

"They'll be at East Portlemouth soon. I'll keep an eye," Remus said with a wry grin. "I do, after all, know all the best nooks, crannies, and supply closets."

"But you're also completely clueless," Oliver put in. "Harry's got it right. When they say 'nothing, it was boring', they actually mean they can't tell you. You would expect that your stern but caring expression would be enough to elicit the truth, and you're totally wrong. They're going to be even wilder than I was, you mark my words." 

"Thanks for the vote of convidence in our modesty and self-preservation, Oli," Lizzy said, annoyed. "We are sitting right here, after all."

"Oh, look, so you are!" Harry said. "So what'd you really do this afternoon, then? Preservation? A confidence booster? A bout of slagging?"

"Harry James Potter!" Lily admonished. "You watch your mouth."

"Sorry, Mum," Harry answered, distracted, still looking expectantly between Maddy and Lizzy. 

"We snorted coke off a buff man's abs. I think his name was Rodrigo. I wrote it down somewhere so Dad could go kill him later. Oh, and then there was an orgy," Maddy quipped.

Again, Oli snickered. James, however, wasn't nearly as impressed.

"Don't worry, Maddy Mouth. Rodrigo will die, to be sure. And now I'm curious because you're evading answering," James said. "You think I don't know all the tricks in the book?"

Maddy looked at him for a moment, then shrugged. "We went to the mall and got bored and then went to Holy Ones and picked out tattoos. Keep your pants on! We didn't _get_ any. They wouldn't let us because we're too young. We were just having fun."

That was true. They had picked out tattoos. Jokingly, and not ones they'd really ever get. (Who picks a tattoo from a sample book, anyway? They were supposed to be personal.) She just hadn't mentioned that, while there, they'd pierced their bellies. 

"Went to Holy Ones, eh? Don't want to get inked there. If you're going to do it, get it done by someone you trust, also known as Dorcas Bones. Not that I'm encouraging it, but still," Sirius rambled.

"That's all then? Still think you're hiding something," Harry said, narrowing his eyes.

"I think you're being a git," Lizzy retorted. 

"Agreed on the git front. Two against one, you lose, Har," Maddy sneered. "Hey, did you fix the lock on your door?" 

Harry started to grin. "Why little sister, I do believe you're trying to blackmail your big brother. What _ever_ for?"

Lily blinked between her children. "And what does Maddy think you don't want your father and I to know, Harry?"

"Eh, she walk in on Draco and I the other day," Harry said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. He might be eighteen, but he still loved annoying the shit out of his baby sister. "So now we _know_ they're hiding something."

Lizzy sighed through a full mouth of peas, and purposefully didn't look at her parents. 

"The question now is, did it have something to do with Holy Ones?" Oliver asked. "Every good liar throws some truth in there. I think we ought to check for ink and metal."

"Oh my _God_ , since when did family dinner become an interrogation?" Maddy quipped.

Oliver grinned at her. "Jackpot."

"Oliver, don't antagonize," Remus said calmly, and fixed his daughter with the aforementioned stern but caring expression. "Elizabeth?"

Lizzy's face took on a premature wincing quality as she and Maddy exchanged a look that agreed they were doomed. Lizzy just _couldn't_ lie to her dad when asked directly. "Er. Well. We, um. We got out belly buttons pierced."

Oliver made a soft _huh_ sound in the short silence that followed this. So the caring-but-stern thing apparently worked on his sister. He loved his parents, but he'd still lied to them a normal amount, even in the face of the caring-but-stern face.

James' cutlery clattered noisily to the table. "You did _what_?"

"Don't get worked up, Daddy. It's already done," Maddy said quickly. "Really, it's so small and hardly anyone will ever see it and..."

"Not a chance. You'll take it out. You're _thirteen_. No. Just no," James said firmly, glaring at his daughter. "Not happening." 

"James," Lily said, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "Lets see it, Madeline. Now, please."

"You too, Liz," Sirius said, his face a cross between disappointed and impressed. "Want to see if it's infected. Can't trust that place, love. It's dirty." 

Maddy exchanged a look with Liz, then stood up quickly and lifted her shirt. She put on a grin and asked, "It looks great, right? So cute."

James stared at it, eyes wide and disbelieving, and shook his head. It seemed like only yesterday that she was six and he would sit with her and bedtime and they'd read stories together. Now she was growing up and wearing lipstick and thinking about boys and getting her belly button pierced. He wasn't ready to let her go into that world yet. He had no control in that world. He couldn't follow her into it and keep her safe like he could if she was still just his little Madeline. So, he crossed his arms and said stubbornly, "No. You're too little."

"Dad! I'm not little! I'm practically fourteen, and Chele Bones had her _nipple_ pierced when she was fourteen," Maddy protested. "Liz, show them yours. They match. They're just cute and innocent. Like friendship bracelets."

"Except holes through your flesh," Oli offered helpfully. "Can I just say, strictly for informational purposes, every stripper I've ever seen had her belly button pierced?" 

" _Oliver_ ," Lizzy said in a pleading voice as she reluctantly stood and lifted the bottom of her shirt to show everyone her swollen, red and bleeding piercing.

"Chele Bones..." Harry said trailing off. "You don't want to emulate her, you know? She's a... well. She's not big on boundries either, I guess."

Lily rubbed her face with her hands, wondering in the back of her mind where everyone's little babies had gone, and otherwise trying to figure out the best way to sort out the situation. "Maddy. Madeline, I don't understand _why_ you two did this. Was it because of girls like Chele Bones? Or to be 'cool'?"

"Cool," Lizzy said. "We thought it'd be neat, Auntie Lily. We're not trying to be like anyone, we just wanted to do something cool." 

"We just did it for us. Because we wanted to. And we're _not_ taking them out. They're our bodies, not yours," Maddy said, sounding just as stubborn as her dad. "Besides, we're going to be in the same year as Manny Bones, and she's already legendary. We just needed something to give us an edge. We don't want to be the boring townies because we're _nowhere near_ boring."

"Well. Maddy Mouth can use her words for more than just brat attacks," Oliver said, smiling at his sister and Maddy. "Anyway, I think they look good. Classy. Totally exotic dancer. Way classier than strippers."

"Oliver..." Remus said sternly.

"Kidding!" Oli said quickly, holding his hands up in a surrender position.

Remus turned his attention to the girls. "I'm just not sure you thought this through, girls. The Bones sisters aside, it's your personality, your heads, hearts, and souls you should be relying on. Not body modification." 

"Sorry, Dad," Lizzy said. "Just... head and hearts and souls will only get you so far in hierarchy like we're facing. We have our own ground to hold."

"You're being a bit melodramatic," Harry pointed out.

"I'm not sure what I think," Sirius said with a contemplative tone. "On one hand you've pierced something that has one of the highest rates of infection, at a dirty parlour that's been sued any number of times for re-using needles. On the other hand, they _are_ your bodies, even if you knew perfectly well to begin with that it wasn't a decision you should've made lightly. What do you think, Moony?"

"I think those are very good points that Elizabeth should contemplate in a compare and contrast essay. Three pages, and a bibliography," Remus said with a small smile.

Oliver groaned sympathetically. He'd probably written a hundred essays for his father growing up, and he'd always hated them. He didn't know why he couldn't just get grounded like normal kids. The essays usually took him longer than, say, a week's grounding would have.

"Well, you make her write an essay if you want, but Maddy is taking hers out," James said again. 

Lily sighed, and closed her eyes. "James. You're being unreasonable." 

"I am not! She's my baby girl!" James protested. "I am a cool dad. I'm the coolest dad out there. I just don't want my baby to have her belly-button pierced. Lily. Dorcas had her belly button pierced when she was Maddy's age. Do you remember what kind of girl Dorcas was?"

"I'm not exactly enthusiastic about it either, but James. It's already done," Remus said practically. "There's no way to undo it, and you know how amazing our girls are. Sooner or later we're going to have to trust them to make decisions we don't agree with." 

"I don't think it's fair to compare Maddy and Lizzy to Dorcas Bones at the same age just because they've put a piece of metal in their stomachs," Sirius interjected. "It's not a screaming symbol of the Lesbian Slut Association, Prongs."

" _Sirius_ ," Lily scolded. 

Maddy looked over at Lizzy and smiled a little before focussing again on the adults arguing around them. "So, uh, we're not grounded forever then?" 

"No," Lily said, giving James a pointed looked with her eyebrows raised. "At least you're not."

"And you heard your dad," Sirius said to Elizabeth, squeezing Remus' thigh under the table. "An essay of doom and agreeing to never do that again behind our backs is all we need to hear."

Lizzy nodded fervently. "No. Definitely not. Better to ask then to be a bint." 

"Okay, pause," Oliver interjected. "They're not grounded? At all? Does Mouth at least have to write an essay too?" 

Harry frowned. "This is lame. When I got my tattoo I was grounded for a month."

"Well that's because it was a 'lame' tattoo, sweetums," Lily said with a slight smile. "Not that we don't all think you're a wonderful football player, of course, but getting wings on your ankles? Not to mention you were fifteen at the time. And no, Maddy's not going to write an essay. She's going to help me clean out the attic instead." 

"Mom! I hate the attic. It's dusty and it makes me all asthmatic," Maddy whined.

"Well, great, maybe it'll help you realize that doing stupid shit without parental permission is a bad idea," James replied, giving her a stern sort of look. "Always consult your parents. Bad Mouth. Me too, actually. Kids, don't say shit at the dinner table."

"Well shit, now you tell us," Oli quipped. "Too late. Old habits, you know?"

"You're not a kid anymore, Oliver," Remus pointed out.

Maddy smirked. "Unless you go by maturity level." 

"Or the fact that he still bring his laundry home for the dads," Lizzy added. "Seriously, how many pairs of underwear do you _own_ to keep it all going for so long?"

"Underwear! Pfft!" Sirius said laughingly. "A son of mine wearing underwear for anything other than organized sports! The very idea!" 

"You go commando?" Maddy asked, eyebrows raising.

Oliver shrugged. "I'm a real man. Real men like a healthy breeze 'round their privates. Right Harry old chap?" 

"Er," Harry said, cheeks burning slightly, and then mumbled something that couldn't quite be heard.

"What was that, sweetums?" Lily asked, frowning.

"Draco. Um. Prefers me to," Harry admitted, hasitly shoving a forkful of peas into his mouth. "Wear underwear."

"Well he's properly whipped, then," Sirius said with a laugh. 

"Nothing wrong with being whipped. I've been whipped for Lily since I was eleven," James said. "And we're happy as can be, even when our daughter pokes holes in herself without our permission."

"Screw being whipped. Harry, I'm disappointed in you," Oliver said. "Who lets their girly boyfriend boss them around?" 

Harry raised his eyebrows. "You really want me to go into the whys at the dinner table where our parents and little sisters are?"

"Ew," Lizzy said automatically, scrunching up her nose. 

"No details needed. Ever, mate. Thanks," Oliver chuckled, wrinkling his nose as well and looking much, in fact, like Lizzy.

"Yeah, I don't need details either, but that's because I got a full view first hand," Maddy quipped, and waggled her eyebrows at her brother. "Always thought he was quite the catch, but he's even more, ah, impressive than I figured he'd be."

"Okay stop," James said suddenly, and then shared a look with Lily. "Bloody buggering hell, our children are exactly like us." 

"You expected anything different?" Lily asked, laughing. "Can't you remember that month when Harry was about one and a half, and his favourite word was sex?"

"I remember that month," Sirius said fondly. "Least I remember him teaching Draco to say it and _he_ asked my mother when Narcissa had her over to tea. They probably heard her shrieks of 'Filth! Filth!' across the Atlantic." 

"She must have such a boring life," Remus commented. "And tiring. Could you imagine how exhausting it would be to be that completely affronted at all the sins of others all the time? Goodness, I'd need a kip every couple hours just to get my strength back up for all that shouting. Still, I can't help but feel sorry for her. Her mind is going and she hardly has anyone left in the world. I know it was her own fault, but still. It's sad."

"Regulus is a bigger man than I for putting up with her, even if only for tea a few times a year," James said, voice sounding more pitying than anything. "She's one of the most miserable people I've ever known. Does your dad ever visit her, Pads?" 

"He tried last year, but she just babbled on and on and on about the sins of her children and how it was all his fault," Sirius sighed and shook his head. "He doesn't need to hear that now, not after being free of her for so long. He showed her pictures of the kids, did I tell you that? She's got Reg's two in pride of place on her nighttable, and she took Oli and Liz's and..." Sirius trailed off looking between the two of them, shaking his head and thinking better of it. "Never mind."

"No. Dad. What did she do with mine and Oli's picture?" Lizzy asked. 

"Binned them? Burned them? Put them into some weird altar in her closet for us children of sin? Built a little model of the special level of hell that awaits for us, and cut our faces out to put on voodoo dolls?" Oliver joked. "Or wait, that's a pagan ritual, isn't it? Scratch that voodoo idea." 

Sirius shrugged apologetically. "She tore them up. The whole 'no grandchildren of mine' rag, like that lovely note she sent us after Reg gave her Liz's adoption announcement. Wish I could claim she's not in her right mind."

"She won't let Narcissa bring Draco to visit anymore either," Harry said. "Narcissa only goes out of obligation to her mum, but Sirius' mum told her if she saw Draco again she'd exorcise him." 

"I'd pay money to see that. Can you just picture the look on his face? All... superiority and that sneering sort of look-at-me-humouring-the-commoners amusement? She'd _kill_ him for his insolence," Maddy said, and then grinned at the looks Oli, Harry, and even the adults were giving her. "Hey, it's not my fault my brother's boyfriend is a hunk of alabastor man meat with the most perfect attitude of aristocratic snobbery."

"You are one special child, Madeline," Oliver snorted.

"I'm not a child," Maddy protested.

"Yes you are," James interrupted. "In every definition of the word, you're a child. Sorry kiddo. You've got years to go before you grow up." 

"Thankfully," Lily breathed with a smirk, running a hand through Maddy's hair. "I'm old enough as it is, babygirl. Don't rush."

"I miss Blankie, pigtails and little frilly dresses," Sirius said wistfully. "Not that Lizzy and Maddy could ever keep anything clean."

Harry blinked. "Uncle Sirius? Did you just lament over dirty laundry?"

"And to think he spent the majority of our adolesence without a shirt on," Lily said. "And covered in motor oil. Now he _bakes_. And takes the stains out of whites! You've done a lovely job domesticating him, Remus." 

"Clean is for nice girls," Maddy said, waggling her eyebrows, and then rolled her eyes at her father's panicked expression. "Just kidding, Daddy."

James melted a little--he always did when Maddy called him Daddy, and he knew she damn well knew that too--but then gave her a stern look and said, "Hey Lils honey pie? Maybe homeschooling is a better option." 

Lily laughed. "James you are completely ridiculous, honestly. If you had your way she wouldn't be allowed to go outside."

"That's probably be better for humanity," Harry teased. "It's a good option to consider, Dad."

"I'd consider the same option for Harry, Uncle James," Lizzy interjected with a wry smile. "Considering Harry and his flaxen haired boy-toy have a penchant for public indecency." 

Oliver laughed, and then choked on his mouthful of food. Remus gave him a disgusted look that clearly said _table manners, young man_ and then shook his head. There was no point. It was too late. He just sighed and passed his son a tissue. "Oliver, honestly."

"Harry, don't be an idiot and get yourself caught. Of all the things to get arrested for, that'd probably be the stupidest," James said with a long-suffering sigh. "Oh, my children. I can't handle this. You're both giving me grey hair." 

"I think it looks dashing," Lily said slyly.

"Ew, mum," Harry said, wincing.

"What? I can't talk about mine and Dad's sex life? We've certainly heard plenty about yours," Lily grinned with mock mother sweetness. 

"No one worry. I'm not dying or anything," Oliver croaked sarcastically as he finally managed to stop coughing. "Please, just ignore me and continue on as though I'm not coughing up my intestines."

Remus smirked a little and said, "Really, I think having open relationships with your children is healthy. We should be able to talk openly about sex."

"Um, I love you, Uncle Remus, but no explicit details please," Maddy said, wrinkling her nose. "I don't think I could look you in the eye again if you got into explicit details."

"Open is not the same as explicit, Madeline," Remus said primly.

"You know, Remus used to blush at the drop of a hat when we were kids. Couldn't even say the 's' word without turning maroon," James informed the table at large. 

"I think he finally stopped after ole' Skeets published her book. None of our wedding pictures were even remotely 'modest', Moony, I don't know what you were thinking," Sirius said.

"I liked that picture," Lizzy said with a smile. "Dad looked very nice with that garter in his mouth." 

"What _I_ was thinking? Excuse me, who helped convince me it was a good idea? Like I can say no when you're... when you've set your mind to something," Remus replied. "It's entirely your fault. And you know those pictures circulate at least once a year at the school. You should see the way the students look at me."

"It's the only time they're ever mentally giving you cool points, Remus. Don't fight it," James snickered. 

Lily burst out laughing. "You know, I think we were doomed from the start," she managed, smiling widely, eyes twinkling, and looking about ten years younger than she was. "And it could be worse," she added with a glance in Sirius' direction, who raised his eyebrows at her. "We could've gotten old, like Sirius."

"Hey!" Sirius replied indignantly. "I'm not old!" 

"Yes you are. You've got grey, mate," James pointed out. "And you bake."

"Bakes wonderfully, might I point out, and the grey looks great on him. Besides, you've got it too, James," Remus returned, calmly stepping to Sirius' defense with a smile. "At the temples."

"Lily, tell those two prats I call friends that I'm still the most dashing man you've ever seen, and fit, and best in the sack, and all around fabulous, not to mention the world's most amazing dad and that the grey looks much better on me than it does on Padfoot," James said.

"If you guys are going to argue, Liz and me are going to eat in the living room and see if there's any new gossip about Oli on E!" Maddy said, ignoring Remus' soft 'Liz and _I_ , Madeline' correction. "And practice which position best shows off our new belly button rings without looking too posed or show-off-ish or slutty like Manny Bones." 

"Manny, Chele... they're almost interchangable now. They look so much alike," Sirius commented, thoughtfully. "The group of us have produced the strangest offspring, eh?"

Lizzy rolled her eyes and picked up her plate as she stood. "What are we, Dad, a science experiment?"

Sirius grinned. "Hypothesis seems to be working out so far."

Lizzy furrowed her eyebrows. "What was your 'hypothesis' then?"

"Oh, just that you'd always make me and your father proud, and that you'd grow up beautiful and responsible. Oh, and that you'd put Oliver in his place, of course," Sirius replied. "Because we know what an utter hooligan he is."

Lily laughed again. "Sirius, that might be the most ironic thing I've ever heard you say." 

"Agreed. I don't think you can call anyone a hooligan, considering what a total terror you were, Pads," James said, and then paused. "I can, though. And Oliver is definitely a hooligan. And thank goodness for Lizzy. Maddy's the one that gave me these greys, on the other hand. And Harry is useless at reigning her in. Fat lot of help you are, Harry."

"Okay, I was going to just let you keep going and eat up all of the rest of the food while you were busy, but I need to interject something here. First of all, I'm a _footie_ hooligan, not just a hooligan. There's a difference," Oliver piped up. "And second, Lizzy doesn't put me in my place. Come on, she's my little sister. I can totally take her."

"You can not," Maddy snorted. "All she has to do is look a little wet around the eyes and you'd break any law there is to make things right for her."

"I would not!" Oliver protested, laughing. "I look out for her, but that doesn't mean I do whatever she wants me to." 

"Well you can't say I didn't _try_ ," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. "Not my fault she's completely off her rocker."

"Like that time you stole Dad's car and drove all the way to London to buy me a new Hettie-Doll after the neighbors dog chewed off her head, because they only sold that make in the city?" Lizzy asked innocently. "You were writing essays for a month after that one." 

"She wouldn't stop _crying_. What was I supposed to do?" Oliver said, and then leaned forward to mess up Lizzy's hair. "Anyway, keep it up and you won't be getting _any_ favours at all out of me. That's right, that includes game tickets. And yes, I'm talking about the World Cup too."

"But I can still go, right?" Maddy asked quickly. 

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "Oliver, honestly! Keep what up? I'm the perfect picture of beauty and responsibility. Dad said so. So I have no idea what you're talking about. Come on, Mads, lets go watch the telly."

"She's so much like you it scares me sometimes," Sirius said to Remus, shaking his head.

"That's all right, imagine how frightening is it to see a miniature of yourself that acts just like your husband. And a son who acts like his Godfather."

"Hey now," Harry said. "I've got _nothing_ on Sirius. And I don't bake." 

Maddy followed Lizzy out of the room with no complaints, but her voice carried back in as she informed Liz that, "Even if he won't let you go, I hope you know _I'm_ still going. I love you, Liz, but I'm not missing World Cup for you."

"Relax, Mouth! You're both going!" Oliver shouted. "Like I ever deny my baby sister anything."

Remus smiled. "Good boy. And I think Harry is much more like his mother, actually, than he is like Sirius. I see many similarities. Lack of red hair aside, of course, he got much from you, Lily. Thank goodness." 

Lily beamed. "If we'd have had two Jameses I think I might've thrown myself out a window long ago," she teased. "Even if he is the most dashing man I've ever seen, very fit, best in the sack... and what was it? Oh, yes, all around fabulous, an amazing dad, and ace at pulling off the salt and pepper look."

"And to think, many moons ago, you wouldn't even give him the time of day," Sirius commented. "Didn't you once tell him you wouldn't date him if he were the last man on earth and you had to repopulate to save humanity?" 

"She did. In front of our whole year. She shot me down so many times. You're lucky you had someone who was smitten with you, Harry, and not the other way around. It's bloody tiring," James replied.

"Not worth it, I figure. I've never bothered much with relationships. I figure I might as well wait until I'm not having so much fun being single before I settle myself down," Oliver put in. "I'm one of the most eligible bachelors in England right now anyway, why spoil that on one bird?" 

"And just think of all the stories and pictures we could release to the press to make you more endearing," Sirius said. "Like during that week you decided to embrace your 'natural state' and walked around the neighborhood naked. I've got a few pictures tucked away for future blackmail. And don't diss relationships, Oli. Once you're in the right one you'll realize there's nothing better for you. Least I did." 

"I didn't mean there was anything wrong with them, Dad," Oli said. "Just that they're not right for me right now. Besides, I'd be a terrible boyfriend. Footie's more important than any girl."

"Except Elizabeth," Remus reminded him.

"Well, yeah, but that's different. Maddy's right in there too. Family, you know," Oliver said. "I must've spent too much time with crazy Aunt Narcissa. I picked up some unnatural attachment to family from her." 

"Don't think Mouth'll appreciate you lumping her in the sister category," Harry said, stuffing his mouth with the last of his mashed potatoes. "Some of the things I've overheard her say about you hardly constitute as 'sisterly'. Mum, what's for dessert?"

"Apple pie," Lily answered. "And don't talk with your mouth full. Or about your sister like that." 

James, for his part, looked a little shocked, though that quickly transformed into a look of wary suspicion, which he directed at Oliver.

"She what? _Madeline_? She's a baby. And... Maddy," Oli said, looking disgusted. He caught James' look then and wrinkled his nose. "Oh come on, Uncle James. I'd never. That'd be... completely... not... are you sure, Harry? You must've misheard. I'm practically a decade older than her. It's ridiculous."

Remus leaned back in his seat and cast an 'uh oh' sort of look at Sirius. He suspected the reason Oliver didn't have a girlfriend wasn't that he didn't want one, but rather that the kid had some trust issues when it came to letting people in emotionally. That had been the family's biggest hurdle when they'd adopted Oliver, and though he'd always been fine with family after he'd adjusted and figured out they were all very permanent and without an ulterior motive, he still didn't take too well to inconsistent behaviour. While he'd long since outgrown his triggery disposition about it, Remus could already see Oliver growing more uncomfortable the more he thought about the idea.

"It's probably just a harmless crush. Your her best friend's older brother. It's practically required for her to like you a little bit, Oliver. I'm sure she'll grow out of it," Remus said reasonably. 

"Exactly. Don't put much stake in 13, Oli," Sirius added. "She's probably changed her mind twelve times since."

Harry shrugged and was about to speak when his mother gave him a kick under the table followed by a look that said, quite clearly, _Don't push it, young man_. "Er, yeah. I mean. It was teen magazine gushing sort of stuff, you know?" Harry tried, sounding awkward. 

"I'm not an idiot, thanks," Oliver said gruffly, annoyed at the way the kid gloves had come out so quickly, even after so many years.

Maddy, who'd always had an uncanny talent for being in tune with her brother, appeared then right behind Oliver, putting a hand casually on the back of his chair and asking, "Dessert? There's nothing good on telly and I told Liz I'd grab her some pie."

Oliver pushed his plate away and got up abruptly. "I have a thing I forgot about. Pub. Mates. Adult stuff. See you. Dinner was great, ta."

"Oliver," Remus said, voice somewhat disapproving and he set his napkin on the table, intending to go after him, but then just looked over at Madeline and sat back down. Oliver would work it out on his own. He was an adult now.

Maddy's eyes followed Oli out of the room, and then went straight to her brother, glaring accusingly. 

"What? Don't look at me like that!" Harry said, obviously uncomfortable.

" _Harry_ ," Lily said warningly.

"Fine. I told Oli you have a thing for him," Harry admitted. "And now he's being all... you know. Oliver-ish, likely, and I should have kept my mouth shut. Sorry." 

Maddy smacked Harry upside the head and stomped out of the room, shouting over her shoulder, "Lizzy, Harry's your brother now. I don't want him anymore."

"Madeline! Don't be mean. Harry didn't mean anything by it," James shouted. "And anyway, Oliver's too old for you."

"Shut up! I'm so not having a conversation about this!" Maddy shrieked from the other room. "God, my family is so humiliating." 

"Don't talk to your father like that, I don't care how humiliated you are!" Lily called out, frowning. "Weren't we just saying that Harry was so much like me?" she asked the table, crossing her arms. "We must've been mistaken, because he hasn't an ounce of tact or respect for his sister's feelings."

"Mum! It's not a big deal! God. It's just a crush," Harry said. 

"On a boy who has a bit of a tendency to overreact instead of play it down," James said to Harry and then looked up at Remus and Sirius. "No offence or anything. Just, Harry, you should've used your brain. It wasn't a thoughtful thing to do. I'll be right back." 

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked. "And no offence taken, mate." 

"I'm going to talk to my baby girl, that's where," James said, shrugging. "You know me. Can't stand to see my little girl all upset, even if she's mouthing off over it."

"Sorry Daddy," Maddy said.

"Just another average night," Remus said dryly in the dining room, smiling as he heard James mutter something in his softest voice, and he could practically see the man pulling his daughter into a hug, even if there was a wall blocking his view. "Elizabeth, come in here and give them a minute." 

Lizzy came in the room but walked around the table in the opposite way and smacked Harry upside the head herself. Without a word she went back the other way and deposited herself primly in Sirius' lap. "Boy's are idiots," she said quietly. 

"Lizzy, be nice. This will blow over quickly enough and you know it. I'll not have you being rude to Harry over it. He wasn't trying to cause problems on purpose," Remus said. 

Harry huffed. "Whatever. It doesn't matter," he said dismissively, and then looked pleading at his mother. "Are we _ever_ going to have dessert?"


End file.
